TEXTING – The Junk Food of Dating

Lately, I have been hearing from a ton of people that thought they had potentially “found the one,” (they were getting lots of great texts, many times a day), only to discover that the texts suddenly slowed down or stopped all together.

They truly believed they were on the verge (or were in) a relationship.

Why does this happen?

Well, chances are, you weren’t the only one they were texting.

And, they may have found someone to start a relationship with, and then abandoned you.

Bottom line: By relying on texting, rather than meeting in person, calling, etc., they hadn’t made any real investment in getting to know you.

And you allowed that to happen.

Texting offers an easy and fun way to flirt without requiring very much effort.

Most of the time, texting also doesn’t really give you all the insight you need to determine if the other person has potential to be a date, let alone your future life partner.

As humans, we need verbal plus non-verbal cues to get to know someone.

In fact, UCLA did a study decades ago showing that as much as 92% of the information we take in from someone is non-verbal. This means we need to actually “see” them, not just get little words on a tiny screen from them.

We are sensory, sensual beings. 

Our senses of sight, hearing and touch, and the all important “sixth sense,” are necessary components to dating.

It’s likely you’ve had the experience where you spent a ton of time texting with someone, only to meet them in person and discover zero chemistry and/or great disappointment.

Texting is incredibly useful for conveying short bits of information such as “sorry, I am running 5 minutes late,” but to really get to know someone, you must take the time to get on the phone, meet for coffee, and arrange Skype or Facetime chats.

While so many people are now using texting as a dominant form of communication, you can quickly convey your preferences for connecting.

Let them know upfront that you don’t do a lot of texting, but you are looking forward to a call.  Once you do get on the phone with them, be sure to reinforce how wonderful it is to hear their voice – be generous in your praise with things like “you’ve got a really soothing voice” (or a sexy one!)  When you see them on Facetime or Skype, compliment something about their appearance.

One you are in a relationship, text all you want, but in the beginning stages, I really caution you against over-texting as a way to evaluate potential soulmates.

Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,

Arielle