The Unexpected Beauty of a Crack

August 25th, 2011 by Arielle

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole that she carried across her neck.  One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.  For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
“I am ashamed of myself because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the side of the other pot?”

Because I have always known about your flaw, I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

Each of us has his or her unique flaw. But it’s the particular cracks and flaws that each one of us brings that make our lives together so interesting and rewarding.

Like puzzle pieces that fit just so, our edges and curves help us form a bond that would not have been possible otherwise. When you take everyone for what they are, it is easier to find the good in their singularity. The essence of Wabi Sabi Love.

Today, share with me one of your “cracks” and see if you can find the Wabi Sabi beauty and perfection in it.

The Wabi Sabiness of Truth

August 15th, 2011 by Arielle

I recently came across this story that is credited to a major daily newspaper, the Houston Chronicle:

On Nov. 18, 1995, Itzhak Perlman, the violinist, came on stage to give a concert at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center in New York City. If you have ever been to a Perlman concert, you know that getting on stage is no small achievement for him.

He was stricken with polio as a child, and so he has braces on both legs and walks with the aid of two crutches. To see him walk across the stage one step at a time, painfully and slowly, is an unforgettable sight. He walks painfully, yet majestically, until he reaches his chair.

Then he sits down, slowly, puts his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps on his legs, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. Then he bends down and picks up the violin, puts it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.

By now, the audience is used to this ritual. They sit quietly while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent while he undoes the clasps on his legs. They wait until he is ready to play.

But this time, something went wrong. Just as he finished the first few bars, one of the strings on his violin broke. You could hear it snap -it went off like gunfire across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant.

People who were there that night thought to themselves: “We figured that he would have to get up, put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches and limp his way off stage – to either find another violin or else find another string for this one.”

But he didn’t. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes and then signaled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began, and he played from where he had left off. And he played with such passion and such power and such purity as they had never heard before.

Of course, anyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that, and you know that, but that night Itzhak Perlman refused to know that. You could see him modulating, changing, recomposing the piece in his head. When he finished, there was an awesome silence in the room.

And then people rose and cheered. There was an extraordinary outburst of applause from every corner of the auditorium. We were all on our feet, screaming and cheering, doing everything we could to show how much we appreciated what he had done.

He smiled, wiped the sweat from this brow, raised his bow to quiet us, and then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, reverent tone, “You know, sometimes it is the artist’s task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left.”

What a powerful line that is.   Perhaps our task in this shaky, fast-changing, bewildering world in which we live is to make music, at first with all that we have, and then, when that is no longer possible, to make music with what we have left.”

Doesn’t this story scream Wabi Sabi?  The musician found beauty and perfection in the imperfection of the moment….the audience was right there with him.

Lemonade was made of divine, harmonic lemons….or was it?  

It turns out this story isn’t true (www.snopes.com is my source).  It’s an urban legend. Does this make the story useless or any less valuable?

One of my favorite quotes is this:  

“It’s a both/and world.  It’s both the way you say it is AND the way I say it is.”

While this story is “essentially” untrue, for me it has meaning, value, beauty and purpose.  I love that the message of the story is inspiring and it’s also about “not quitting” and “overcoming obstacles” and finding creative solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems.

What stories about your own life, or your relationship are you holding as “true” or “untrue” that are preventing you from having more love and joy?   Sometimes embracing the lens of Wabi Sabi is all you need to broaden your interpretation of things as well as open your heart.

This blog post sponsored by Arielle Ford’s Big Love on CTR Talk Radio

In Praise of Imperfection

August 8th, 2011 by Arielle

Somewhere along the line, most of us were indoctrinated into the myth of “perfection.”  We think that we should look, behave and acquire perfect lives on every level.

 Of course we know, logically, that this is impossible. And yet, in our striving for perfection, we are left dissatisfied and unfulfilled by our bodies, our mates, our jobs, and our station in life.

Early this morning we were watching one of our favorite TV shows, CBS Sunday Morning.  Each week the show covers an eclectic mix of topics from art, music, architecture to pop culture and world events.

Today, one of the segments was about a Miami dentist who makes customized tooth veneers that are not too white but rather just the right color for his patients.

He says that “imperfection is natural” and when your teeth are “too white” (or in his case, veneers) your smile looks artificial.  His greatest joy?

When his patients tell him that their friends and family tell them they look great but they can’t seem to pinpoint what’s different about them. Proof that the new smile he has created for them looks totally natural…little flaws and discolorations and all.

More than 25 years ago I was on a personal quest for physical perfection.  Each day I carefully measured my food intake and charted my exercise (miles of running, hours of weight-lifting).

I was convinced that on a special day when the digits on the scale hit a magic number, and the measuring tape proved diligent effort, and all ten of my fingernails were the exact same length….on that day THEN I would be perfect. (i.e. finally happy)

I finally achieved my goal.  

It was a huge disappointment.  

First off, I couldn’t actually “tell” anyone I was perfect, so I had no one to share my success with.  Secondly, after about 3 minutes of realizing I had worked hard and suffered much (no chocolate!) for six months, I was still the mildly depressed, “frightened-by-life” person I had always been. (And, yes I looked amazing in my bikini, but it was now just a big “so what!”)

It was a life-changing lesson for me.  I discovered that my happiness did not lie in perfection.  If would take many more years of therapy and workshops to master happiness for that. (see previous blog)

Fortunately, two years later I learned about the ancient art form of Wabi Sabi, and began my slow but steady journey to learning to find and love the beauty in most of my imperfections. I am still striving for improvement in some areas of my life, but it’s a relief to no longer be obsessed with misbegotten notions of perfection.

How about you, do you have a self improvement project that is running your life?  Feel free to comment below:

Wabi Sabi Happiness

July 29th, 2011 by Arielle

Lately, I have been ruminating on the concept of “irreversible happiness.”

Photo credit: Sunstar

I’ve been asking myself “what does that really mean and is it even possible?” As a child and young adult I suffered from depression and at times was even medicated for it.  I often felt trapped under a dark, oppressive cloud of dread.

In my early thirties I decided to do whatever it took to become a happy person and spent a solid ten years focused on this. My journey included therapy (many forms) workshops (from one hour to 8 days in length), a variety of techniques, tools, prayers, processes, nutrition, supplements, and even life coaches. It all worked.

Baby-step by baby-step I slowly learned to change my thinking, manage my emotions, clear out the anger and resentment and old stories of the past, and ultimately ended up as someone who is happy most of the time.

And, even when I am stressed, angry, upset, or sad, I now know that I have the tools and experience to return back to my core happy place.

It’s not a spiritual by-pass or a sweeping under the rug, it’s a utilization of myriad tools to work through the feelings, solving the issues, or righting the wrongs.

During one of my darkest periods (my business, health and relationship all failed at the same time), I found a line from A Course In Miracles that changed my life:

“In this moment I have everything that I need.”

This became my mantra.  When I would take the time to shift into present moment awareness, I could find the truth in this statement.  I would think to myself “In this moment I have enough air to breath, enough water to drink, there are people who love me, I am safe.”  

And then, rather than try to figure out the rest of my life, I would look for the one next step I needed to take and keep myself as focused as possible on the “now.”

Along the way I also discovered that the things that I thought would make me happy – reaching a certain number on the scale, more money in my bank account, or achieving a particular goal, added some momentary “enjoyment” but these things did not become the source of my inner joy.

Happiness was no longer the opposite of suffering but became a conscious choosing. I began to consciously choose to live in gratitude, in a state of trusting and knowing that I was enough and had enough.  I realized that I was powerful enough to co-create my life with the Universe and also gracefully survive whatever roadblocks might be thrown in my way.

I found that I did not have to be perfect to be happy.  

Life did not have to be perfect for me to be happy.  

I began to live in a state of being where I find love and appreciation for me and for my life, exactly as it is showing up.

This is where my true Irreversible Happiness resides.

Can you relate?  How does happiness occur for you?

Married for 85 Years… THAT is Wabi Sabi Love

July 21st, 2011 by Arielle

Wondering how to make love last? Read this inspiring story from NowPublic.com

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May of 2009) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.

The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine’s Day to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?

H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure.Divorce was NEVER an option – or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?

We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life – our marriage has lasted a lifetime

3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?

We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.

4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?

Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith – when you meet him, you’ll know.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?

Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart

6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?

Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!

7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?

Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day.Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!

Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax – the look on her face & clean plate made my day!

8. You got married very young – how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?

“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?

Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.

10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?

The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs – together.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?

Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.

12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?

Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win

13. Is fighting important?

NEVER physically! Agree that it’s okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend – not break!

14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?

We are both Christians & believe in God.Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.